Blog Your Heart (a Challenge)

I saw this 'challenge' Here and Here and thought I would put myself out there. Maybe writing this out will help me feel a bit better. I don't know....

September 11th is a sad day in all our hearts. It scares me and makes my heart hurt for all the families that lost someone that they love. But, it also makes me sad for another reason. It was a friends birthday. Not just any friend, but a friend that turned out to be my first serious boyfriend. We spent five years as a couple and did everything together. While he was in college in Boston, we spent every weekend together. When he graduated we moved to Daytona Beach, Florida. His parent were there, but I knew no one. Scary for me at the time, but I found a job and met some new friends. Though I enjoyed my job and my new friends, things were not quite what I had hoped for us. We broke up. He thought that I should move back home. I missed my friends, but I was a stubborn 20 something and I stayed. If I was going to move back home, it was going to be my decision. I went on with my (2) jobs at that point and struggles and managed to stay there for 3 years. We eventually became 'friends' again. One day he surprised me with Van Halen tickets, with the understanding that we would be going as friends. He had something else in mind. Right before we left for the concert, he proposed. This was a surprise and something that I did not want anymore. We were just starting to repair our friendship. He wanted me to think about it and I said that I would. The next day he showed up at my house. I told him that the answer was no and I just did not feel the same way anymore. He was devistated. It really was too late. It was really hard for me to not have any of my friends from 'home' with me. I needed them. Eventually,we were able to talk. I decided to move back home. He helped me move back. We drove back with 2 car loads full of my stuff back to my parents. Once everything was unloaded, he left. That was the last time I ever saw him. We had e-mailed a couple of times over the years, but it was really nothing. Last year I was online late at night, I did a search for him on My Space. I just was wondering what he was up to. I found him, but the last postings were from the year prior. They were a bit strange. Missing him on the holidays and stuff like that, so I thought that maybe he had moved. So, I did a google search...and found a partial obit. I thought, this can not be him. It was late. I forwarded it to my my Mom and went to bed. The next day at work she sent me the complete obit. I froze. He had drown trying to save his dog. I did not know what to do. No one here knows him. I already missed the funeral. Nobody contacted me. I was upset. I was disappointed. Some time went by and an old friend found me. I was now on Facebook. We talked on the phone and she told me all the details. She said 'everyone' was at the funeral...except me. They 'tried' to find me. i do not think that they tried very hard, but I let it go. I was just kind of numb. I thought how funny it was that every September 11th I thought of him. I would think Mike is 39 this year, etc. Not even knowing he had passed. He was a part of my life. I just feel there will really never be any closure for me.